[Parody Warning Here]
Privacy Policy

The Majority of the website is rubbish, this page isn’t. We understand that personal data is harvested and distributed to other companies by websites. This page is here to tell you what we’re doing, who we’re giving the data to and why. If you think we could be any more honest in this Privacy Policy let us know via the contact form on the website. We’re aiming to be as brutally honest and as possible while still being understandable.

How, What, Why?
We collect some data on you depending on how you use the website.

If you sign up to our newsletter we’ll collect your email and possibly your name, this is a totally optional feature, you don’t need to do it, you won’t miss out on anything if you don’t. We may use it to let you know about changes to the website and new article we think you might be interested in. We won’t sell your data to other providers, we may upload this data to a mailer for sending the information out to you, for example mailchimp. To stress we will make this clear when you sign up to the newsletter.

We use Google Analytics on the website, the purpose is to track the site, how many hits it’s getting, how slow it’s going. This system doesn’t collect personal data and is used to provide aggregated reports. We do this for a few reasons; to ensure the site is running smoothly, to see what articles people prefer so we can make more of the same, to see where the traffic is coming from so… to be honest we don’t need to see this but it’s collected automatically and it leads to interesting conversation. “Look Jeff we got 10 users from this odd little site in Russia that isn’t linking to us, why do you think that was?” Google analytics is also able to tell us things like your location, your timezone, browser, OS and basic demographics on you (your other interests, age range). We can’t attribute this information to you. LOADS of websites use google analytics, so if you don’t want it to track you google provide a tool to opt out https://tools.google.com/dlpage/gaoptout

We use advertises to make some sweet sweet money for paying for the servers, image licensing and other such stuff. This advertising will track you across multiple websites to learn about you and target you with specific ads. We won’t provide these ads with any more data about you however they may read the contents of the web page you are on, we can’t access the information that they have on you, we get basic aggregated data from them in the form of how many users in a specific country were shown an ad. We can’t see what ad you were shown. You can turn off google ad personalization with this link https://support.google.com/ads/answer/2662922?hl=en-GB

Our servers may log incoming connections, these are stored for less than 30 days. The log includes what page you hit and the incoming IP address. This is used for tracking down errors on the server. Your IP address may be used for working out the location of an incoming connection by country / city in order to track down if there is a problem from a specific location.

Google analytics use a cookie to track you across various sessions. See above as to why. They may also use a cookie to track that you’ve opted out.

Google Admob use a cookie to track you across various sessions. See above as to why. They may also use a cookie to track that you’ve opted out.

Cloudflare may use a cookie to track your requests. Cloudflare is used to cache web pages to make them load faster for you. Cloudflare is a fantastic service for both us and you, the cookies they use are designed to make sure you are routed to the fastest data center. You can read more at https://cloudflare.com

WE may use cookies, if you sign in to the site, if you are signed in then this will be attributed to you.

WE may use cookies when we are A/B testing different web pages / layouts. We do this to test features for issues before launch as well as to see which page the majority of users prefer. When we do this, the data is compiled in a way that isn’t attributable to you.

Want more information on cookies? WHO WOULDN’T? Check out the EU’s information on them and your legal rights if in the EU; https://ec.europa.eu/ipg/basics/legal/cookies/index_en.htm

How Long?
We may keep any personal data you’ve provided for up to 24 months after it’s no longer used. We do this just in case you start using the service again and don’t want to have to setup a new account.

If you want any of your personal information removed from our systems, we gladly will. Just send us a message using the contact form below and it will be taken care of.

Once Again
We’ve tried to be brutally honest with everything above. If you think we could have been clearer, we’ve missed anything or we’re being deceptive please let us know. We’ll try and keep this up to date as the services on the site change.

Written on the 2018-05-30