[Parody Warning Here]
Bitcoin Coming To Starbucks
8 Jun 2018 07:36:50
Starbucks has announced that it plans to start accepting Bitcoin at select stores in the United States and the United Kingdom from next month. The announcement was made via twitter to it’s 11 million followers.

Spokesperson for the company said, “We believe that our clients require a method of paying for coffee that is untraceable by ‘the system’ and believe it will be a popular alternative to a credit card or apple pay. We see a real opportunity here to meet the needs of an ever growing demographic.” Industry expert of JL Analytics said, “Since 2016 SBUX stock price has held steady despite its increasing profits, investors see it losing a key subset of individuals between 17 and 30 who are visiting the new boutique coffee houses springing up. The move is smart, even if it doesn’t help bring the customers back it signals to investors it’s willing to do whatever it takes to get back to its roots.”

The first chains to get the new payment method will be in New York, San Francisco and London. In 2015 Starbucks was called out by the UK’s parliament for not paying enough tax by using legal schemes to divert the cash elsewhere, since then it has increased it’s payment to the government. However, trialing bitcoin payments in London is a telling one, as if successful it’d allow the company to keep actual money of the books, by moving the coins easily to another country where corporation tax rates are lower.

“Transaction fee’s on bitcoin are high, but if it means the establishment won’t know I like a skinny, soy, no foam, latte then I’m all in.” Hipster Dan tweeted back to Starbucks.

We’ll be first in line at one of the stores when this rolls out to buy a Triple, Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Mocha. See you there.