[Parody Warning Here]
Amazon Sucker Days
18 Jul 2018 07:54:36
Did you miss Prime Day™? No problem Amazon have announced that they’ll be launching more massive sale days at other points of the year. “Sucker Days™” will be added alongside prime day in easter and autumn.

Following off the Steam model of running large quarterly sales, Amazon feels like they can squeeze more money out of customers by running larger regular sales. “Value have had a lot of success coordinating their marketing pushed sales with meme’s, we feel we can replicate this to a much wider audience. By calling the sales sucker days we hope to jump 2-3 years of building a meme economy around the days.” Amazon VP of Customer Duping announced.

“Your Christmas is also our Christmas, it’s the time of year where we make the most. We want to create more points like this during the year. With Prime Day we’ve created a point in the year where it’s socially acceptable to ‘TREAT YO SELF’. With sucker days we’ll be adding two more points of the year where you can just ‘TREAT YO SELF’. With sales on Clothes (treat yo self), Fragrances (treat yo self), Massages (treat yo self), Mimosas (treat yo self), Fine Leather Goods (treat yo self) they’ll be the BEST DAYS OF THE YEAR!”

Like Prime Day™, Sucker Days™ will last 48 hours. “As time goes on and we struggle to cope with demand from customers, we will extend these sales past 48 hours. We want to ensure that everyone has the chance to be a sucker.”